The Most Clichéd Harry Potter Story Ever
by The Boy Who Wrote Fanfiction
Summary: A random story about the crazy plot twists and the overused plots of Harry Potter stories. I know it's weird and random but it's funny so enjoy. R and R.
1. My Twin and Ron, The Boy Who Lived

Harry Potter opened up his eyes in his dorm room early on September 2nd. The Start of Term Feast had taken a toll on him and he yawned loudly. Suddenly, he realized there was someone standing next to his bed. Looking over, he saw a girl he didn't recognize. She stayed where she was and Harry was confused.

"Who are you?" Harry queried.

"Oh," she gasped, "I haven't introduced myself." She paused. "This might be hard to believe. I'm your long-lost twin, Lily Potter Jr. We never met because I was sent to America to live with a family of wizards."

Harry was astounded. He had a twin? He could see his mom's green eyes and red hair on his twin but she had a mischievous smile like James Potter. He blinked a couple times. What was going on?

"Dumbledore thought you were ready to meet me now that it's your sixth year," she said. "Especially since you heard the prophecy. I've been fighting Voldemort just like you for five years."

"That's not possible," Harry replied, "I've been fighting Voldemort. There can't be two of him."

"There isn't," she replied, "In fact, when Dumbledore met me this summer, he realized I was the Chosen One, not you."

Suddenly, Ron entered the room. Harry was still confused and looking at Ron gasped in shock. Ron had a scar shaped like a lightning bolt on his forehead. For whatever reason, Ron was the Boy-Who-Lived.

Harry was starting to feel dizzy and started to get out of bed and get dressed. He climbed down the dormitory stairs, wondering what was going on with his brain. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Harry looked around to a green glow and gasped. He was in the Slytherin common room!

"What is going on? Why am I in here?" he shouted.

"Stop yelling," Draco Malfoy said from a corner, "You're in here because you're a Slytherin and live here."

Harry was so utterly distraught that he dared not speak until he figured out what was going on. Harry left the Slytherin common room and headed to the Great Hall hoping to get some answers. When he arrived at the Great Hall, everyone was sitting down for breakfast and Dumbledore was rising to give an announcement.

"Students," he began, "I have two very important people you all must meet. There are two new students joining us and we will be sorting them today. First, Gary Sue!"

A boy stepped forward with perfect hair, perfect teeth, rippling muscles, and a tall, buff stature. To be honest, he reminded Harry a bit of Gilderoy Lockhart. The boy sat down on the stool and the Sorting Hat was placed on his head.

The boy sat for a few seconds before the Hat yelled, "Gryffindor!"

"Now," Dumbledore continued, "The next student to be sorted is Mary Sue!"

A girl stepped forward. She was the most beautiful girl Harry had ever seen. She had long black hair which reached her shoulders and brilliant blue eyes. She seemed to be the epitome of perfection. The Sorting Hat was placed on her head.

After over two minutes the Hat yelled, "Slytherin!"

The Slytherin table cheered extremely loud (mostly from the boys). Mary Sue walked to the table and as she arrived, Harry approached her and sat down.

Immediately, Malfoy came over and began flirting. The girl sat, looking bored, and ignored Draco.

Suddenly, she turned to Harry and said, "Harry, I don't know why I didn't realize before but I am suddenly struck with love for you. As a Mary Sue, I am always perfect and always seem to fall for the main character! You must become my boyfriend." Harry agreed but realized how strange this behavior was.

However, he didn't have time to ponder because the Great Hall doors suddenly opened and in walked none other than Voldemort!


	2. Voldemort's Daughter and Truth or Dare

**Author's Note: I know it's short but I wanted to get a chapter out to you guys today. I think you'll enjoy it anyway. R and R.**

Everyone began screaming and running around. Voldemort's eyes searched the room until he found Harry.

"Harry Potter," he shouted, "Finally, I have the ultimate weapon against you! My daughter will defeat you, once and for all!"

A girl stepped out from behind him with blonde hair and pure red eyes. She looked at Harry and suddenly fell to her knees.

"I'm sorry, Dad," she said, "But, I have fallen in love with Harry Potter and cannot kill him for you! I must join him instead and defeat you with him!"

She crossed the Hall and stood next to Harry. Voldemort looked astonished when suddenly Dumbledore spoke up.

"You cannot love Harry," he stated, "Because he's your brother. James and Lily were not his real parents but Voldemort is his father!"

Harry realized this must be true. He stepped across the Hall and stood next to Voldemort.

"Since you're my father," Harry said, "I must join you and help you kill Dumbledore."

Dumbledore spoke up again. "You can't!"  
"Why not?" Harry asked.

"Because, first we all have to play Truth or Dare for no coherent reason," he replied, "Everyone create a giant circle and let the Truth or Dare begin!"

**I don't know why Dumbledore is insane, he just is. I wonder what will happen now?**


	3. Edward or Cedric?

**Author's Note: This chapter is really weird and I have no idea where it came from. Enjoy, anyway. R and R.**

Everyone slowly formed a circle, highly confused and debating Dumbledore's sanity. The group of people there was made up of Dumbledore, Voldemort, Voldemort's nameless daughter, Mary Sue, Gary Sue, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Draco, Snape, Cho, and Sirius.

"I'll go first," Dumbledore shouted like a gleeful little girl. He spun a bottle to decide who he would ask.

The doors to the Great Hall suddenly burst open and in stepped Remus Lupin with a surprisingly familiar person and some shirtless guy.

Lupin was dragging the man, who looked like an exact duplicate of Cedric Diggory, by the ear. "Look who I found," Lupin said, "He wasn't dead at all! He just became a vampire!"

"I told you," Cedric's look-alike shouted, "I'm not who you think I am! My name is Edward! I've never met a Cedric Diggory in my life! I was just fighting Jacob and happen to look like this Cedric guy!"

Nobody believed him and Lupin dragged him into the circle. Cho was on the verge of tears and ran towards "Edward". Jacob came over and whispered to Cedric.

"There's no use, Edward," he mumbled, "You should probably just do something quickly."

Cho was crying on his shoulder and "Edward" in a final escape wished Jacob good luck. He pulled out a wooden stake as Jacob ran out of the building.

In three seconds, Cho sat crying on the pile of ashes that was Cedric and whimpered.

"That was weird," Dumbledore stated, "But, let's get this game going!"

He spun the bottle and it landed on none other than Harry.

"Truth or Dare?" Dumbledore asked as though this was the greatest decision of his life.

"Dare," Harry said, deciding not to wimp out.

" I dare you to…"

**Cliffhanger! Sorry, but I had to. I sort of set myself up.**


	4. TimeTurners and Books

**Author's Note: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while but I haven't had time. Thanks to RavenclawDoctorSilveo, bubblecloudz, and Saeryena for reviewing. Enjoy. R and R!**

" I dare you to kill Voldemort," Dumbledore said.

"I can't kill Voldemort!" Harry shouted, "My father and I have had such good memories!"  
*Flashback*

Harry is holding onto Quirrell's face as both him and Voldemort scream. Voldemort is laughing evilly as Harry lies on the ground dying from basilisk venom. Harry is stabbing the basilisk fang into the diary, killing Voldemort for now. Harry is getting some of his blood given up to resurrect his father. Harry is in the Ministry of Magic hiding behind Dumbledore as Dumbledore tries to kill his father.

*End Flashback*

"On second thought," Harry stated, "We haven't really had any good times. But, that doesn't mean we can't have good times now! Right, Dad?"

Voldemort stands up and puts his arm around Harry' shoulders. "Right, son."

Suddenly, there is a huge boom as someone appears in the center of the Great Hall. Standing there with a TimeTurner around his neck is none other than….Harry Potter. Granted, he is older than the real Harry but they are obviously the same person.

"Good," old Harry said, "I made it. I have to warn you of the deaths that will soon occur so they can be prevented!"

Everyone was looking confusedly at this new Harry until seven books materialized in midair and fell on young Harry's head.

"Ow," he yelled, "What are these things?"

Looking at the covers Harry read, "Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone", "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets", "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkhaban", and four other books centered around Harry.

A note suddenly appeared in the spot the books had and Harry grabbed it and read it.

"Dear Harry, You don't know who I am but it's essential you read these books. They will be very important for the near future and will be very helpful. Enjoy.

Sincerely, The Boy Who Wrote Fanfiction."

"You know what must be done, Harry," Dumbleore said, "Everyone to the Room of Requirement to read these books!"

**I will try to update more often now and any suggestions for overused plots would be great!**


	5. Marauders and Alternate Timelines

**Author's Note: Thanks for all of your reviews! I used a few of your suggestions in this chapter so keep them coming. Also, I'm sorry some characters are a little non-canon but they have to be for the story to work. Enjoy! R and R!**

The crowd trooped toward the Room of Requirement. They included, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Dumbledore, Snape, Voldemort, Voldemort's continually nameless daughter, Mary Sue, Gary Sue, Harry's twin sister, Lily Jr., and Sirius. The group entered the Room of Requirement to a strange sight. In the middle of the room, stood an exact duplicate of Harry with brown eyes and a girl with red hair and Harry's eyes shouting at each other. Watching was a young Sirius, a young Lupin, and a young Peter Pettigrew. A young Snape hid behind the red haired girl.

Suddenly, the group of kids looked at those who had entered the room.

Dumbledore chuckled. "It appears the Marauders, as well as Severus and Lily, have somehow traveled to the future."

Harry gasped. He was looking at his parents. Then, he remembered that Voldemort was his father and got over the people in the room. As he was thinking this, young Remus was studying him.

He chuckled. "It appears as though James and Lily do get over their differences if they have a son in the future."

Lily looked over and gasped. There, in all his glory, was a duplicate of Potter with her eyes. Young Snape also gasped but only his future self and Dumbledore understood why.

As everyone continued to contemplate this strange turn of events, there was a loud crack as though a temporal continuum just collapsed on itself. Old Snape gasped.

"I remember everything now," he said, "Another timeline has just collapsed, and I remember what occurred there now. I was Harry's father."

Harry shouted, "That's not possible! If you were then I would remember it too."

Severus replied easily, "But you don't because in that timeline you were known by another name. Gary Sue."

Gary continued, "I remember too. I was the Boy Who Lived and my mother was none other than Hermione Granger."

At this point, Hermione gasped. "I fell in love with Snape? There is no way!"

Dumbledore suddenly piped up. "Not really, it's in practically a million fanfiction stories on the internet."

"What's fanfiction?" Hermione asked.  
Dumbledore realized his mistake quickly. He had said too much. He couldn't let them figure out that he was the one behind all of these overly cliché story plots and was manipulating all of them.

Two seconds later, he realized he forgot Snape was a Legilimens.

"You what?" Snape shouted.

**Cliffhanger! Keep the suggestions coming because I'm running low on ideas. I will continue to try to update as much as possible. Thanks for your support!**


	6. The Marriage Law and Dumbledore's Plotti

**Author's Note: The chapter is a little short but I wanted to get one since I haven't in a while. I've been really busy with school, band, and homework so sorry. Enjoy. R and R.**

"That was a joke," Dumbledore said, "I just remembered I have an announcement! Everyone to the Great Hall!"

Snape looked unsure but followed everyone to the Great Hall. They entered the room to find all the Hogwarts students there.

Dumbledore strode to the front of the room and met with Cornelius Fudge and Dolores Umbridge. Everyone openly shivered. Umbridge was there and she wanted revenge.

Umbridge spoke. "A new law is being enacted. A marriage law where purebloods and muggleborns will be paired as well as half-bloods in the mix. This will break the barriers previously created." Everyone knew she didn't care and just wanted to torture them.

Fudge opened a list and began reading. Harry, Hermione, and Ron sat anxiously awaiting their names. The list continued and it was evident that Harry, Ron, and Hermione would be last.

"Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass," Fudge called. Harry walked over and met the brunette with a smile. Surprisingly, she returned it.

"Ron Weasley and Pansy Parkinson," Fudge shouted. Ron growled but went to Parkinson anyway. At least she's good looking he thought.

"Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy," he said finally. Hermione gasped and then got mad.

"First, I'm married to Snape in an alternate reality and now I have to marry Draco Malfoy!" she shouted. Everyone looked at her as if she had gone insane. Dumbledore smiled slightly to himself and congratulated himself on his success with these overused fanfictions. No one could stop him.

**Thanks for reading.**


	7. The Inheritance and Inception

**Author's Note: I know I haven't posted in forever because I was away and had a bunch of make-up work for school. In this chapter, the story becomes more cross-overy. Enjoy. R and R.**

Suddenly, Harry felt a surge of power in his bones. He was becoming more powerful than should be possible. A goblin suddenly appeared in the Great Hall.

" ," the goblin said, monotonously, "We at the bank have discovered your true lineage. Not only are you the recipient of the Potter and Black vaults but you are the primary owner of the Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Riddle, Malfoy, Merlin, Hogwarts, Dumbledore, and Wayne."

"Where did all of these come from?" Harry thought.

He was so confused at this insane turn of events when he remembered the power he had just felt. He was now the richest and most powerful being on the planet he realized.

Right when things were looking up, he heard a voice.

"It's time to wake up, Harry," the voice said.

Harry suddenly woke up in a dark, small, cramped space. He realized it was the cupboard under the stairs!

His aunt's voice outside the door said, "It's time to wake up."

Harry jolted awake again but now he was in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey entered the room.

Coming over to the bed she said, "It's time to wake up."

Harry opened his eyes inside a damp, cold room which on further inspection was the Chamber of Secrets!

The basilisk suddenly slithered out of the man's mouth even though it was dead.

In Parseltongue it hissed, "It'ssssssss time to wake up."

Harry suddenly burst out of his bed in his dorm room. No one approached so it appeared that the strange series was finally over. Looking around, everything looked just like it did in the Gryffindor common room. Had everything been a dream?

A voice finally spoke from the dark corner of the room. "It's time to wake up, Harry."

Harry woke up tied to a chair in what looked like a bathroom. There was a small walkie-talkie hanging from the ceiling.

A gravelly voice said through the walkie-talkie, "I wanna play a game."


	8. Saw and The Hogwarts Heir

**Author's Note: I am so sorry, guys! I have been inactive for a long time now and I apologize. I had school to go to and I lost track of this and had to worry about finals and a bunch of stuff. But, I'm back! Since it's summer, I will try to post a new chapter every week or so! So, be excited! Enjoy the chapter and, as always, R and R!**

A gravelly voice said through the walkie-talkie, "I wanna play a game."

"What kind of game do you want to play?" Harry asked.

"What? No, I mean I want to hurt you in this game."

"So, Farmville, then?" Harry replied.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know."

Suddenly, the gravelly voice said, "It's time to wake up, Harry."

Harry woke up for the last time (hopefully) inside his dorm room. This time he recognized the Gryffindor dorm room and was glad to believe everything was just some weird dream.

But, then, it happened. Out of nowhere, Harry was transported to the Room of Requirement but this time it was a small pure white room with each of the four Hogwarts banners on one wall.

A voice suddenly spoke up. "Harry," it said, "I am Hogwarts. It has been discovered that you are the heir to all four houses of Hogwarts. You are the heir upon which all four lines have converged. Therefore, you can go anywhere in the castle, do anything, and will know every secret there is to know about the castle. Enjoy your new freedom."

Harry was suddenly transported back to the Gryffindor dorm room. He knew exactly what this new power could be used for. Being the great, powerful, and heroic person he was, he had the greatest way to use the power possible.

He would go in the Slytherin dorm rooms and prank Malfoy!


End file.
